Marriage – Mystery or Misery
Hey, I think marriage is a bit of both. Marriage is definitely a mystery, since we know little or nothing about ‘a marriage’ until we actually get into it. If we were to conduct a survey among married people for different number of years, there definitely will be something common among many, if not all. If asked on their wedding day what their marriage would be like in five years, couples couldn’t tell exactly, hence my conclusion that marriage is a mystery. As much as they would wish for the perfect marriage, many unplanned events manifest which either wax it or break it.
On the other hand, there is a need to understand why marriage has become a thing of misery to many. Just yesterday, as I was enjoying a plate of rice for lunch inside the University College Hospital (UCH Ibadan), I overheard a group of men (can’t tell if they were married or not) talk about domestic violence among married couples. During the course of their discussion, they seemed to me as doctors. They complained with irritation about how domestic violence had become prevalent, especially among young couples. One of them expressed his vexation while he mimicked the husband in one of such cases as saying “...and she still told me goodnight love…” He concluded the story by saying that “apparently, the beast had been battering the woman, till it led to her death.”
It is from all these mishaps and unpleasantness that many people no longer feel the need to be married. The fear of marriage has become a trend among the young people. The beatings, killings, lynching, psychological trauma, depression, violence and evil are the many reasons which make marriages miserable. One still cannot imagine how a ‘supposed husband’ stabs his wife seventy-sis times, to death. It’s beyond human imagination, but then, it happened and even worse. These marriages sadly or surprisingly were preceded by ‘weddings’ with grand entries, great music, fascinating food, aphrodisiacal colours and beautiful smiles. And then we wonder, where exactly did it go wrong?
I remember a young girl once asked that I showed her one ‘close-to-perfect’ marriage. My obvious shock and non-response were her points of argument, that there was not a single one. This is someone who believes that people ‘seem’ happier outside of marriages.
I couldn’t help but ponder all day long as to why marriage wasn’t an ultimate goal for people anymore, or at least, given utmost priority. It’s a given that there isn’t such a ‘perfect’ thing, place or person, but I strongly believe we were made to face those trials (and tribulations) and conquer them. Are we not supposed to daunt our adversaries and emerge successful? I think totally blocking your mind to marriage is a mere detour from challenges.
As much as we are aware of marriages that have flopped, we still are privy to the existence of those ‘happily ever after’ unions. At the end of the day, it’s about making the right choices and making the best of whatever situation we find ourselves in.
We should begin to see more good than bad, in people, situations, relationships and life generally. For so many reasons, marriage is something to make you blithesome. The joy of having kids, someone to share your moments with, good and bad times, stories and gifts should give you more pleasure than misery.
And as the cliché goes, ‘the goal is not about getting married, but in staying married’.
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